








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
495 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 927 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 185 | 20% |
| Smokes | 330 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 287 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 125 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $113,105 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus | 47% | 30 |
| #2 | i hate kids | 43% | 30 |
| #3 | SiwaBoss | 40% | 15 |
| #4 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 31% | 16 |
| #5 | major problem | 0% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus | 47% | 30 |
| #2 | i hate kids | 43% | 30 |
| #3 | SiwaBoss | 40% | 15 |
| #4 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 31% | 16 |
| #5 | major problem | 0% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus | 13 | 0.0235 |
| #2 | major problem | 3 | 0.0187 |
| #3 | i hate kids | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | SiwaBoss | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i hate kids | 31 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #2 | Jesus | 17 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #3 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 17 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | SiwaBoss | 12 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | major problem | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SiwaBoss | +4.14 | 56 | 9 |
| #2 | Barnaby Cobbledick | +1.53 | 47 | 46 |
| #3 | i hate kids | +1.45 | 47 | 45 |
| #4 | Jesus | -0.28 | 29 | 17 |
| #5 | Hyvin tumma | -1.25 | 38 | 31 |





