








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 193 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 321 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2069 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,689 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1959 | 53% |
| Smokes | 1006 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 496 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 228 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $554,975 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 230 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xenntea | 50% | 72 |
| #2 | AllForNaught | 50% | 78 |
| #3 | Salty | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | Mr Nugget31 | 47% | 68 |
| #5 | BentoBoxxin | 47% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CaptainThiccccc | 48 | 0.0203 |
| #2 | Mr Nugget31 | 27 | 0.0187 |
| #3 | nep nep | 25 | 0.0280 |
| #4 | xenntea | 24 | 0.0156 |
| #5 | AllForNaught | 23 | 0.0145 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CaptainThiccccc | 449 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | deshawnofficial | 193 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | xenntea | 157 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Salty | 112 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mr Nugget31 | 93 | 0.06 | 2 min |





