








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 419 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3124 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,380 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1971 | 17% |
| Smokes | 3712 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3028 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2669 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,616,763 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 310 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J_Beach5 | 68% | 31 |
| #2 | Duckling | 63% | 81 |
| #3 | Chupapi | 63% | 83 |
| #4 | Exotic-Lemon | 62% | 45 |
| #5 | rabb1t | 62% | 29 |





