








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 163 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
873 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,847 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 719 | 39% |
| Smokes | 530 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 362 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 236 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $301,977 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 664 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meow | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Malediction | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | Weeb | 45% | 29 |
| #4 | Nix. | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Sacccer | 36% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Weeb | 45% | 29 |
| #4 | Nix. | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Sacccer | 36% | 25 |
| #6 | Miracle | 32% | 25 |
| #7 | Moose | 10% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Miracle | 7 | 0.0161 |
| #2 | Weeb | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Nix. | 2 | 0.0114 |
| #4 | Sacccer | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Moose | 1 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Miracle | 62 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | Sacccer | 34 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Moose | 29 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Malediction | 25 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Weeb | 18 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nix. | +11.39 | 99 | 51 |
| #2 | Malediction | +2.90 | 89 | 47 |
| #3 | Sacccer | +2.84 | 81 | 52 |
| #4 | Miracle | +1.45 | 74 | 51 |
| #5 | Lil' Moose | -2.31 | 59 | 42 |





