








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 424 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 318 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2384 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,708 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2279 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1995 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2615 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1819 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,320,808 of utility $188 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 220 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carrot | 67% | 33 |
| #2 | Miss Tixy | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | Josef | 63% | 35 |
| #4 | My name is Jeff | 59% | 29 |
| #5 | Fat Mike | 57% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | My name is Jeff | 10 | 0.0169 |
| #2 | Fat Mike | 7 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | Josef | 5 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | ♠🖖jonsku①③③⑦😎☠ | 4 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | Christian Horny | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fat Mike | 125 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #2 | Christian Horny | 112 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | Carrot | 111 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Josef | 98 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | My name is Jeff | 96 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carrot | +7.42 | 74 | 79 |
| #2 | Fat Mike | +6.16 | 74 | 77 |
| #3 | My name is Jeff | +5.21 | 78 | 78 |
| #4 | Josef | +4.25 | 79 | 75 |
| #5 | Christian Horny | +1.94 | 81 | 54 |





