








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1011 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,991 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 818 | 20% |
| Smokes | 896 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1006 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1271 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $449,937 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy The Kid | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | Poke | 65% | 48 |
| #3 | Pelican | 52% | 63 |
| #4 | plungy | 44% | 88 |
| #5 | Parkinsons Gaming | 44% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Log Man | 43% | 99 |
| #7 | bird | 41% | 92 |
| #8 | Dee | 35% | 137 |
| #9 | BUURRD | 31% | 16 |
| #10 | Miaow | 27% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bird | 11 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Dee | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Log Man | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Pelican | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Miaow | 3 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Log Man | 231 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | bird | 164 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | Dee | 146 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | Miaow | 126 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | plungy | 125 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tommy The Kid | +4.75 | 62 | 60 |
| #2 | bird | +4.21 | 81 | 52 |
| #3 | Miaow | +2.59 | 64 | 52 |
| #4 | Pelican | +0.84 | 64 | 36 |
| #5 | Parkinsons Gaming | +0.37 | 31 | 57 |





