








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1337 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,602 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1216 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1385 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 756 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1245 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $162,636 of utility $49 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOJACK HORSEMAN | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | Poke | 65% | 75 |
| #3 | Miaow | 60% | 30 |
| #4 | Pelican | 51% | 97 |
| #5 | bird | 49% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | bird | 49% | 88 |
| #6 | plungy | 48% | 98 |
| #7 | Seizure Salad | 43% | 99 |
| #8 | Dee | 38% | 95 |
| #9 | Parkinsons Gaming | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dee | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | bird | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Poke | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Pelican | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | BOJACK HORSEMAN | 2 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Seizure Salad | 183 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | bird | 136 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | plungy | 124 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dee | 119 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Pelican | 105 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOJACK HORSEMAN | +5.57 | 82 | 60 |
| #2 | bird | +4.59 | 81 | 51 |
| #3 | Miaow | +3.23 | 67 | 55 |
| #4 | Poke | +0.42 | 64 | 42 |
| #5 | plungy | +0.28 | 68 | 50 |





