








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,536 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1226 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1499 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 628 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1183 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $382,414 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helios Fun | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Saiyan | 67% | 27 |
| #3 | NaCl | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Necr0mane | 63% | 35 |
| #5 | Boozy | 61% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Saiyan | 67% | 27 |
| #3 | NaCl | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Necr0mane | 63% | 35 |
| #5 | Boozy | 61% | 67 |
| #6 | Goth Mommy Waitress | 51% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Necr0mane | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Goth Mommy Waitress | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boozy | 211 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | Goth Mommy Waitress | 155 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Helios Fun | 73 | 0.42 | 2 min |
| #4 | Saiyan | 45 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | NaCl | 31 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E. Normus Peter | +3.71 | 89 | 58 |
| #2 | NaCl | +1.91 | 61 | 53 |
| #3 | Boozy | -0.16 | 62 | 48 |
| #4 | Saiyan | -0.82 | 50 | 56 |
| #5 | Goth Mommy Waitress | -1.50 | 76 | 54 |





