








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 92 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2179 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,568 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 981 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1121 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1198 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 268 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $532,164 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 286 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Pablisek | 46% | 26 |
| #8 | goobfucker | 45% | 22 |
| #9 | PURA! | 37% | 46 |
| #10 | zip lock of rat poison | 35% | 20 |
| #11 | Tiro | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sulphi | 17 | 0.0147 |
| #2 | zip lock of rat poison | 3 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Legalise nuclear bombs 1984 true | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Pablisek | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | PURA! | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sulphi | 165 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Tiro | 72 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | Legalise nuclear bombs 1984 true | 53 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | PURA! | 35 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lambda Fox | 25 | 0.05 | 0 min |





