








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 400 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 574 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




83 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2805 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,183 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 932 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2735 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 428 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 2088 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,316,335 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1723 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ChrisJ | 55% | 140 |
| #5 | Private #ONLYLOSE | 53% | 146 |
| #6 | xX_VaPor☁PepZi_Xx | 49% | 321 |
| #7 | Womp Womp | 48% | 334 |
| #8 | oh | 46% | 542 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oh | 168 | 0.0146 |
| #2 | xX_VaPor☁PepZi_Xx | 90 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | Womp Womp | 85 | 0.0118 |
| #4 | ChrisJ | 40 | 0.0137 |
| #5 | Private #ONLYLOSE | 24 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Womp Womp | 1595 | 0.22 | 48 min |
| #2 | oh | 611 | 0.05 | 15 min |
| #3 | Private #ONLYLOSE | 491 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #4 | ChrisJ | 417 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #5 | xX_VaPor☁PepZi_Xx | 356 | 0.05 | 6 min |





