








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1298 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 213 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6278 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,563 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5434 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5746 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3713 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2670 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,353,688 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1017 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Shaniqua | 50% | 206 |
| #5 | ThatNinja | 49% | 116 |
| #6 | ᵈᵃᵐᵉ☾ | 44% | 119 |
| #7 | a stupid fucking piece of shit | 39% | 51 |
| #8 | Edging 4 U | 33% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shaniqua | 20 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | ᵗ ʳ ᵘ ˢ ᵗ | 20 | 0.0213 |
| #3 | ThatNinja | 10 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | a stupid fucking piece of shit | 9 | 0.0082 |
| #5 | ᵈᵃᵐᵉ☾ | 7 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shaniqua | 534 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #2 | ᵈᵃᵐᵉ☾ | 531 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #3 | ThatNinja | 329 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | ᵗ ʳ ᵘ ˢ ᵗ | 177 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | Edging 4 U | 132 | 0.13 | 3 min |





