








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
838 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,506 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 701 | 20% |
| Smokes | 801 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1047 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 957 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $574,436 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vibe | 46% | 13 |
| #2 | Hank Hill | 45% | 121 |
| #3 | Nugget | 45% | 80 |
| #4 | Merquette | 42% | 165 |
| #5 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | 39% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Merquette | 12 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | 10 | 0.0143 |
| #3 | Hank Hill | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Nugget | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Vibe | 1 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Merquette | 625 | 0.19 | 17 min |
| #2 | Nugget | 205 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | Hank Hill | 102 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | 86 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Vibe | 4 | 0.02 | 0 min |





