








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 152 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1965 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,303 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2204 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3175 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1472 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1452 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $978,120 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | 50% | 86 |
| #2 | Hank Hill | 49% | 249 |
| #3 | Merquette | 49% | 278 |
| #4 | Pickles | 45% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | 50% | 86 |
| #2 | Hank Hill | 49% | 249 |
| #3 | Merquette | 49% | 278 |
| #4 | Pickles | 45% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Merquette | 13 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | 8 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Hank Hill | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Pickles | 4 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Merquette | 1203 | 0.21 | 35 min |
| #2 | Hank Hill | 287 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | 237 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | Pickles | 130 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝓶𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 | +3.88 | 67 | 47 |
| #2 | Merquette | +1.70 | 59 | 75 |
| #3 | Hank Hill | +0.08 | 66 | 42 |
| #4 | Nugget | -1.71 | 39 | 50 |
| #5 | Pickles | -3.66 | 28 | 46 |





