










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 305 matches | ||
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




88 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5438 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,724 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6573 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5439 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5113 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4599 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,067,979 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 321 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sgt. Tschonsen | 940 | 0.19 | 24 min |
| #2 | ༺Leͥgeͣnͫd༻ Kaix1x | 511 | 0.26 | 15 min |
| #3 | Moou03 | 430 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #4 | moou | 285 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #5 | King Rene | 252 | 0.07 | 5 min |





