








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 143 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
598 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,161 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 674 | 58% |
| Smokes | 148 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 193 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 146 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $88,314 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SiwaBoss | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | dogmuncher777 | 27% | 11 |
| #3 | i hate kids | 24% | 17 |
| #4 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 20% | 15 |
| #5 | major problem | 19% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | dogmuncher777 | 27% | 11 |
| #3 | i hate kids | 24% | 17 |
| #4 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 20% | 15 |
| #5 | major problem | 19% | 21 |
| #6 | Iigorrrr | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | major problem | 22 | 0.0573 |
| #2 | i hate kids | 9 | 0.0301 |
| #3 | dogmuncher777 | 9 | 0.0448 |
| #4 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 4 | 0.0144 |
| #5 | SiwaBoss | 2 | 0.0106 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 38 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #2 | dogmuncher777 | 36 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | Iigorrrr | 32 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | i hate kids | 30 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | major problem | 27 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | joe bidome | +3.47 | 90 | 46 |
| #2 | SiwaBoss | +1.67 | 72 | 14 |
| #3 | i hate kids | -2.47 | 46 | 32 |
| #4 | dogmuncher777 | -2.68 | 59 | 23 |
| #5 | Iigorrrr | -3.19 | 39 | 34 |





