










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 37 matches | ||
| Premier | 29 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
641 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,651 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 382 | 23% |
| Smokes | 337 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 497 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 435 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $352,170 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 215 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | i hate kids | 39% | 31 |
| #4 | SiwaBoss | 38% | 16 |
| #5 | Iigorrrr | 38% | 32 |
| #6 | major problem | 37% | 35 |
| #7 | joe bidome | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | major problem | 30 | 0.0454 |
| #2 | Barnaby Cobbledick | 8 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | i hate kids | 6 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | Iigorrrr | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | joe bidome | 2 | 0.0097 |





