








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 138 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3203 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,056 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1460 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1280 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1129 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 187 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $480,774 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 398 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | | 49% | 90 |
| #2 | CARL BE WEEZIN ?!‽ | 47% | 85 |
| #3 | Snow | 47% | 209 |
| #4 | SSSMMOOKINN-ON-DA-MOON | 46% | 213 |
| #5 | MistressMae (Sub to OF) | 45% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snow | 36 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | CARL BE WEEZIN ?!‽ | 33 | 0.0194 |
| #3 | -=- L$D Peek -=- | 13 | 0.0130 |
| #4 | SSSMMOOKINN-ON-DA-MOON | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | | 6 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snow | 1171 | 0.28 | 35 min |
| #2 | SSSMMOOKINN-ON-DA-MOON | 487 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #3 | MistressMae (Sub to OF) | 317 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | -=- L$D Peek -=- | 171 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | CARL BE WEEZIN ?!‽ | 101 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snow | +4.37 | 63 | 54 |
| #2 | -=- L$D Peek -=- | +3.27 | 68 | 28 |
| #3 | SSSMMOOKINN-ON-DA-MOON | +2.67 | 78 | 66 |
| #4 | | +1.23 | 80 | 31 |
| #5 | CARL BE WEEZIN ?!‽ | +0.17 | 55 | 40 |





