








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 400 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 273 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2041 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,808 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1982 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3669 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2389 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2768 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,411,164 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1187 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Investagor Fecal Transfusion | 53% | 83 |
| #2 | The Gamer | 41% | 54 |
| #3 | Seal Team Wap | 39% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Investagor Fecal Transfusion | 53% | 83 |
| #2 | The Gamer | 41% | 54 |
| #3 | Seal Team Wap | 39% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Gamer | 9 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | Investagor Fecal Transfusion | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Seal Team Wap | 4 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Investagor Fecal Transfusion | 140 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | The Gamer | 114 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Seal Team Wap | 91 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Investagor Fecal Transfusion | +0.50 | 45 | 36 |
| #2 | The Millerlorian | +0.30 | 39 | 55 |
| #3 | The Gamer | -0.47 | 45 | 46 |
| #4 | Seal Team Wap | -3.37 | 51 | 50 |





