








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 155 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 395 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




49 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2933 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2886 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2207 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2345 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 737 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,655,217 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1044 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | The Gamer | 45% | 109 |
| #9 | Detective Drunk Driver | 44% | 123 |
| #10 | Adolf Hipster | 39% | 23 |
| #11 | The Millerlorian | 39% | 41 |
| #12 | The Hash Slinging Slasher=GGC= | 34% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Gamer | 25 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Detective Drunk Driver | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Investagor Fecal Transfusion | 10 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Deputy Obkens | 9 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Unpaid Intern Liqour Captain | 5 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Gamer | 218 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | Investagor Fecal Transfusion | 206 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Sᒪᓰᘻ | 128 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Deputy Obkens | 101 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Unpaid Intern Liqour Captain | 92 | 0.07 | 2 min |





