








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1091 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,568 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 341 | 22% |
| Smokes | 569 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 342 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 316 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $356,377 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iBlameSander | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | Tobisix | 63% | 32 |
| #3 | Desirée | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | BACARDI QUEEN | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | KRECIK | 55% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | BACARDI QUEEN | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | KRECIK | 55% | 40 |
| #6 | Наташа UwU | 45% | 11 |
| #7 | Brad Pitt | 42% | 12 |
| #8 | Dorotka <3 | 39% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Наташа UwU | 4 | 0.0189 |
| #2 | KRECIK | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | iBlameSander | 3 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Tobisix | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | BACARDI QUEEN | 2 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tobisix | 145 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #2 | KRECIK | 94 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Dorotka <3 | 41 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | iBlameSander | 32 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | Наташа UwU | 20 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BACARDI QUEEN | +3.59 | 56 | 49 |
| #2 | im._.trxsh.uwu | +3.42 | 74 | 44 |
| #3 | KRECIK | +0.87 | 60 | 62 |
| #4 | Desirée | -0.07 | 58 | 58 |
| #5 | Brad Pitt | -0.53 | 76 | 49 |





