








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1653 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 777 matches | ||
| Premier | 173 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10921 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,535 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5322 | 19% |
| Smokes | 8444 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5768 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 8001 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,573,767 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | chef_killer | 58% | 691 |
| #12 | ESPRESSO | 58% | 441 |
| #13 | Philosopher | 58% | 193 |
| #14 | Valar Morghulis | 57% | 340 |
| #15 | ♛YoMaMa♛ | 52% | 124 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maki | 42 | 0.0155 |
| #2 | chef_killer | 37 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | paim | 33 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | reborNN1 | 21 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Pre | 18 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chef_killer | 2314 | 0.17 | 61 min |
| #2 | reborNN1 | 2292 | 0.32 | 73 min |
| #3 | ESPRESSO | 1695 | 0.20 | 40 min |
| #4 | Pre | 1425 | 0.24 | 43 min |
| #5 | Valar Morghulis | 996 | 0.15 | 33 min |





