








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1168 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 644 matches | ||
| Premier | 200 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 88 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




70 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9794 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 73,738 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 26492 | 36% |
| Smokes | 16901 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 15632 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 14713 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,223,680 of utility $47 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1916 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | RETARDED */IpaChurry/* | 56% | 79 |
| #13 | ZeR0 ll R0G3R | 54% | 70 |
| #14 | Mir~ | 53% | 101 |
| #15 | Valar Morghulis | 53% | 354 |
| #16 | Philosopher | 52% | 225 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | paim | 29 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Maki | 27 | 0.0100 |
| #3 | Pre | 20 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | ESPRESSO | 19 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Bonk | 19 | 0.0098 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | reborNN1 | 2761 | 0.33 | 84 min |
| #2 | ESPRESSO | 2235 | 0.19 | 51 min |
| #3 | Pre | 1583 | 0.22 | 47 min |
| #4 | Balerion | 1034 | 0.08 | 32 min |
| #5 | Valar Morghulis | 981 | 0.14 | 31 min |





