








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




73 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2998 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2330 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2990 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3353 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 425 | 5% |
Our logs show you have wasted $709,831 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Long-ass ⇄ BUYING SKINS | 43% | 30 |
| #5 | BUFU | 41% | 160 |
| #6 | lizard.lex | 40% | 62 |
| #7 | fat | 34% | 114 |
| #8 | Snakerbaker21 | 27% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ettie | 35 | 0.0237 |
| #2 | fat | 24 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | BUFU | 14 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | lizard.lex | 12 | 0.0089 |
| #5 | Long-ass ⇄ BUYING SKINS | 9 | 0.0149 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lizard.lex | 318 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #2 | BUFU | 201 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | Long-ass ⇄ BUYING SKINS | 148 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #4 | fat | 105 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | ettie | 101 | 0.07 | 2 min |





