








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 252 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1638 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,338 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1562 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1578 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 783 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1415 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $938,147 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 375 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | RetardedKetaminJunkie | 35% | 37 |
| #8 | ✪ $imon | 35% | 49 |
| #9 | vettski | 33% | 42 |
| #10 | MyDuoIsABrony | 32% | 41 |
| #11 | ZUCK SAN | 30% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ $imon | 102 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Müller | 91 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | vettski | 79 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | ZUCK SAN | 67 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | MrMagZz | 66 | 0.05 | 2 min |





