








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 125 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 161 matches | ||
| Esplay | 9 matches | 1,946 | |
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1866 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,917 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1912 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1525 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1436 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1044 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $533,196 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 58 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yallahpeek | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Lightspeed #nicotinehigh | 67% | 21 |
| #3 | langeslange | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | snodelheimer | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | Vinkelsliber ☂ | 43% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | snodelheimer | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | Vinkelsliber ☂ | 43% | 68 |
| #6 | Sifjaslit | 42% | 19 |
| #7 | Dessau | 35% | 17 |
| #8 | Lupas | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dessau | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Sifjaslit | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vinkelsliber ☂ | 135 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | Dessau | 76 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | Sifjaslit | 57 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Lightspeed #nicotinehigh | 55 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Lupas | 48 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lightspeed #nicotinehigh | +4.16 | 97 | 65 |
| #2 | Lupas | +2.89 | 96 | 61 |
| #3 | snodelheimer | +1.75 | 96 | 66 |
| #4 | Vinkelsliber ☂ | +1.38 | 84 | 67 |
| #5 | yallahpeek | +1.13 | 63 | 57 |





