








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 832 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 324 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 189 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 149 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 95 matches | ||
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Wingman | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




78 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6740 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,835 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4649 | 20% |
| Smokes | 13469 | 59% |
| HE Grenades | 2161 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 2556 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,711,974 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 284 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Abe | 39% | 400 |
| #7 | Awperator | 38% | 79 |
| #8 | Zero Two | 34% | 253 |
| #9 | PresidentNut | 29% | 75 |
| #10 | Spartanopsada | 29% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abe | 120 | 0.0156 |
| #2 | PIZZARAT | 60 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem | 37 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | PresidentNut | 20 | 0.0135 |
| #5 | Zero Two | 15 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abe | 1656 | 0.22 | 35 min |
| #2 | PIZZARAT | 778 | 0.08 | 19 min |
| #3 | King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem | 721 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #4 | PresidentNut | 703 | 0.47 | 14 min |
| #5 | Gigantor3679 | 412 | 0.10 | 8 min |





