








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1659 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,523 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1204 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1952 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 764 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1603 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $502,265 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shock | 61% | 18 |
| #2 | Gugo2k | 49% | 61 |
| #3 | Mr.Bossman | 46% | 28 |
| #4 | LaFridgeK | 39% | 56 |
| #5 | xurtem | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LaFridgeK | 8 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Mr.Bossman | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | DarkSide | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Citrustrack | 2 | 0.0065 |
| #5 | shock | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LaFridgeK | 297 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #2 | Gugo2k | 133 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | shock | 66 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Mr.Bossman | 62 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Citrustrack | 51 | 0.16 | 1 min |





