








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 622 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 142 matches | ||
| Premier | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 90 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




99 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6316 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,495 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2031 | 37% |
| Smokes | 822 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1208 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1434 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $281,127 of utility $27 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2004 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Billy Billion$ | 57% | 102 |
| #2 | Generation Ender | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 55% | 74 |
| #4 | john counterstrike | 54% | 50 |
| #5 | NxtLvlStupid | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Billy Billion$ | 57% | 102 |
| #2 | Generation Ender | 57% | 30 |
| #3 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 55% | 74 |
| #4 | john counterstrike | 54% | 50 |
| #5 | NxtLvlStupid | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Billy Billion$ | 15 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 8 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | NxtLvlStupid | 7 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | Generation Ender | 6 | 0.0110 |
| #5 | john counterstrike | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 193 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | john counterstrike | 122 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Generation Ender | 98 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | $Billy Billion$ | 21 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | NxtLvlStupid | 5 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | macklemore thrift shopping | +2.53 | 65 | 32 |
| #2 | $Billy Billion$ | +1.63 | 51 | 27 |
| #3 | Generation Ender | +1.33 | 49 | 32 |
| #4 | john counterstrike | +0.69 | 59 | 55 |
| #5 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | -0.12 | 65 | 62 |





