








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 100 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1041 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,137 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 366 | 17% |
| Smokes | 561 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 538 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 672 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $61,106 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hotspot99 | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Dr.Ballbag | 47% | 34 |
| #3 | falken (new mouse) | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | LALApaloozer<3 | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | SkommelLappie | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SkommelLappie | 5 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | Dr.Ballbag | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | LALApaloozer<3 | 2 | 0.0113 |
| #4 | Projectxzi | 1 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | [CIG†] Tranix17 | 1 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr.Ballbag | 36 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | SkommelLappie | 34 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | falken (new mouse) | 24 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Maximus Erectus | 22 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | LALApaloozer<3 | 18 | 0.10 | 0 min |





