








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 146 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Faceit | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3359 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,651 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3399 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2364 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3452 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2436 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $725,609 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 308 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Polar | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Bones | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | n8wad | 58% | 83 |
| #4 | Uncc | 52% | 193 |
| #5 | Kenny | 44% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Polar | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Bones | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | n8wad | 58% | 83 |
| #4 | Uncc | 52% | 193 |
| #5 | Kenny | 44% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncc | 13 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | n8wad | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Kenny | 4 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncc | 376 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | n8wad | 249 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Polar | 46 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Kenny | 32 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Bones | 28 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOHN WITHERSPOON | +1.94 | 70 | 52 |
| #2 | Kenny | +0.89 | 53 | 46 |
| #3 | Polar | -0.11 | 61 | 70 |
| #4 | Uncc | -0.39 | 71 | 55 |
| #5 | n8wad | -0.52 | 56 | 64 |





