








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 786 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 264 matches | ||
| Premier | 169 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3459 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,303 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2536 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1009 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 1395 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2363 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $894,735 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1374 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | angry homeless man | 47% | 111 |
| #2 | Anus Inspector | 46% | 69 |
| #3 | burgeroin | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | angry homeless man | 47% | 111 |
| #2 | Anus Inspector | 46% | 69 |
| #3 | burgeroin | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | angry homeless man | 14 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | burgeroin | 13 | 0.0238 |
| #3 | Anus Inspector | 4 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | angry homeless man | 171 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | burgeroin | 100 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #3 | Anus Inspector | 67 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | angry homeless man | +0.60 | 33 | 37 |
| #2 | burgeroin | +0.59 | 54 | 52 |
| #3 | E-Tyttö | -0.20 | 33 | 42 |
| #4 | Anus Inspector | -0.41 | 20 | 25 |





