








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 594 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 380 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3466 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,561 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5104 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3302 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4523 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3632 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,846,617 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bag of mistake | 20 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | SINTOMAS DE GANG | 12 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | sequelah | 11 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | ruim e chiliquento | 9 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Cavalo do PokerArt | 8 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bag of mistake | 817 | 0.17 | 20 min |
| #2 | SINTOMAS DE GANG | 642 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #3 | Cavalo do PokerArt | 556 | 0.27 | 14 min |
| #4 | Mlk piranha | 396 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #5 | ruim e chiliquento | 358 | 0.14 | 9 min |





