








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 312 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 310 matches | ||
| Wingman | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3176 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,442 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2772 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1674 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2790 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1206 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,916,713 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 146 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Товарищ Джонатан | 46% | 35 |
| #2 | DiffizilT | 44% | 32 |
| #3 | Seelenloser | 40% | 48 |
| #4 | LatiosHD | 39% | 112 |
| #5 | Haremmommy | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LatiosHD | 7 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Товарищ Джонатан | 7 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | Scherzwaffle | 6 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Germinator | 5 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | getmyisland | 3 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LatiosHD | 177 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Scherzwaffle | 111 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | dEg | 98 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Germinator | 91 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Товарищ Джонатан | 74 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dEg | +3.87 | 73 | 45 |
| #2 | Seelenloser | +3.63 | 67 | 37 |
| #3 | Товарищ Джонатан | +1.68 | 45 | 57 |
| #4 | getmyisland | +0.87 | 54 | 56 |
| #5 | Scherzwaffle | +0.53 | 62 | 26 |





