








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 409 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 70 matches | ||
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Esplay | 37 matches | 1,948 | |
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2279 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,851 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2587 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1713 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1354 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1197 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,255 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 428 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | !FireCoke | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | ¯\ (ツ) /¯ Dasse ¯\ (ツ) /¯ | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | jvy | 56% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | !FireCoke | 67% | 15 |
| #2 | ¯\ (ツ) /¯ Dasse ¯\ (ツ) /¯ | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | jvy | 56% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jvy | 4 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | ¯\ (ツ) /¯ Dasse ¯\ (ツ) /¯ | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | !FireCoke | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\ (ツ) /¯ Dasse ¯\ (ツ) /¯ | 85 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #2 | jvy | 37 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | !FireCoke | 18 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\ (ツ) /¯ Dasse ¯\ (ツ) /¯ | +2.50 | 85 | 78 |
| #2 | molbot | +1.35 | 69 | 59 |
| #3 | jvy | +0.56 | 78 | 32 |
| #4 | !FireCoke | -1.41 | 35 | 35 |





