








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 536 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 134 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2338 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,944 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1499 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1944 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1333 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1168 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $920,025 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 535 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | kal | 55% | 145 |
| #6 | the come up ™ | 52% | 99 |
| #7 | daz | 48% | 60 |
| #8 | aNDYY | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | Saṃsāra | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the come up ™ | 18 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | ieuan | 10 | 0.0128 |
| #3 | kal | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | daz | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | aNDYY | 5 | 0.0095 |





