








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
313 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 901 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 168 | 19% |
| Smokes | 323 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 254 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 156 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $126,297 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uber Eats | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | SSSU (i have nice skins) | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | edd | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | Myass | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uber Eats | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | SSSU (i have nice skins) | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | edd | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | Myass | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uber Eats | 3 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | SSSU (i have nice skins) | 2 | 0.0455 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uber Eats | 37 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #2 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 29 | 0.59 | 1 min |
| #3 | edd | 12 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #4 | SSSU (i have nice skins) | 7 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | Myass | 6 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | +4.32 | 55 | 60 |
| #2 | SSSU (i have nice skins) | +2.15 | 60 | 55 |
| #3 | lioncheese | +1.64 | 74 | 56 |
| #4 | Uber Eats | -1.54 | 40 | 46 |
| #5 | Myass | -3.79 | 65 | 49 |





