








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 239 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 334 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2481 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,116 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1593 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2707 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3666 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2150 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,478,937 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | The trash man | 50% | 130 |
| #7 | Ricky | 49% | 119 |
| #8 | DranoDiet | 47% | 36 |
| #9 | doogles | 47% | 51 |
| #10 | Bot Tyson | 46% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ricky | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | The trash man | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | DesktopSamurai | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Bot Tyson | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | AWPrah Winfrey | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ricky | 322 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | The trash man | 191 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | DesktopSamurai | 126 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | nealrock | 125 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Bot Tyson | 112 | 0.16 | 3 min |





