








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 383 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




127 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2549 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,689 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4602 | 60% |
| Smokes | 353 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 1150 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1584 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $677,443 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 465 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | marny | 57% | 124 |
| #2 | ꧁ঔৣ☬Toblara☬ঔৣ꧂ | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | willy wanker | 50% | 24 |
| #4 | Larsni99 | 48% | 31 |
| #5 | Ghostbusters | 46% | 70 |





