








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 504 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 96 matches | 2,055 | |
| Faceit | 76 matches | ||
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2026 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,914 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1513 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1864 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1683 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1854 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,065,414 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | broderpimp69 | 43% | 14 |
| #15 | kELSO | 43% | 28 |
| #16 | Naikon | 42% | 24 |
| #17 | BOX BOX BOX! BOX BOX BOX! | 41% | 22 |
| #18 | running | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | duvel | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | lotionlarseN :R | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | running | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | mattek1ng | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | majoreN | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mattek1ng | 446 | 0.24 | 11 min |
| #2 | duvel | 315 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #3 | lotionlarseN :R | 177 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | majoreN | 174 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | Haika | 103 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | STH ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +2.75 | 59 | 71 |
| #2 | mattek1ng | +2.33 | 85 | 67 |
| #3 | lotionlarseN :R | +2.19 | 74 | 80 |
| #4 | duvel | +0.65 | 64 | 75 |
| #5 | Housewally | +0.48 | 64 | 75 |





