








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 297 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3019 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,752 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2532 | 33% |
| Smokes | 880 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 2038 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2302 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $427,349 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KingSnufy | 59% | 68 |
| #7 | β€β§Grothβ§β₯ | 57% | 44 |
| #8 | ββ
πππ’π³πβ
β | 57% | 60 |
| #9 | Xemokai | 56% | 41 |
| #10 | LiTtL35aiNt | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xemokai | 7 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | KingSnufy | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | β€β§Grothβ§β₯ | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Dishwasher | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | β±Satoruβ±Gojoβ± | 2 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ββ
πππ’π³πβ
β | 184 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Dishwasher | 99 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | β€β§Grothβ§β₯ | 84 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | KingSnufy | 82 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Xemokai | 76 | 0.09 | 2 min |





