










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
832 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,455 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 99 | 7% |
| Smokes | 970 | 67% |
| HE Grenades | 241 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 145 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $198,617 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 187 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ernie | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Joshua Block | 50% | 107 |
| #3 | Sassy The Sasquatch | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | doink | 50% | 50 |
| #5 | steerdeer | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ernie | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Joshua Block | 50% | 107 |
| #3 | Sassy The Sasquatch | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | doink | 50% | 50 |
| #5 | steerdeer | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joshua Block | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Sassy The Sasquatch | 3 | 0.0118 |
| #3 | doink | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | ernie | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joshua Block | 143 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | ernie | 33 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | doink | 31 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | steerdeer | 19 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Sassy The Sasquatch | 2 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sassy The Sasquatch | +3.08 | 28 | 43 |
| #2 | doink | +2.14 | 61 | 29 |
| #3 | trag1c | -0.49 | 44 | 23 |
| #4 | ernie | -1.09 | 32 | 43 |
| #5 | Joshua Block | -1.23 | 34 | 56 |





