








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1452 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 981 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7976 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,351 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4133 | 16% |
| Smokes | 10552 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 6771 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3895 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,684,885 of utility $236 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 459 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kyle broflovski | 53% | 66 |
| #2 | crayZ | 52% | 65 |
| #3 | doink | 52% | 138 |
| #4 | trag1c | 50% | 107 |
| #5 | ernie | 49% | 173 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | crayZ | 52% | 65 |
| #3 | doink | 52% | 138 |
| #4 | trag1c | 50% | 107 |
| #5 | ernie | 49% | 173 |
| #6 | Daniel Larson | 46% | 237 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daniel Larson | 15 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | ernie | 13 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | crayZ | 8 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | trag1c | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | doink | 5 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crayZ | 239 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #2 | ernie | 226 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | kyle broflovski | 98 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | doink | 73 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #5 | Daniel Larson | 39 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doink | +1.89 | 66 | 32 |
| #2 | crayZ | +1.81 | 33 | 61 |
| #3 | ernie | +0.63 | 40 | 50 |
| #4 | Daniel Larson | -0.20 | 47 | 22 |
| #5 | trag1c | -0.43 | 46 | 22 |





