










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 197 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
739 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,453 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 70 | 3% |
| Smokes | 1082 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 780 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 521 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,064,228 of utility $324 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 127 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Friyce | 40% | 48 |
| #8 | hot off the press pig | 38% | 65 |
| #9 | Vito | 36% | 56 |
| #10 | Alex | 33% | 12 |
| #11 | pAbLo | 29% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hot off the press pig | 12 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | cshrs | 9 | 0.0140 |
| #3 | Vito | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Up The Toffees | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | fredo | 2 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vito | 267 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #2 | Friyce | 230 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #3 | hot off the press pig | 184 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | Up The Toffees | 108 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | cshrs | 69 | 0.11 | 1 min |





