








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 267 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 225 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3298 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,840 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 255 | 4% |
| Smokes | 2271 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2100 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2214 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $639,104 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 904 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaltyJoshe | 50% | 34 |
| #2 | ajeppo | 49% | 164 |
| #3 | ThatKidFromFortnite | 48% | 82 |
| #4 | hhunt.g | 45% | 204 |
| #5 | 2024 Toyota Camry | 44% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThatKidFromFortnite | 16 | 0.0101 |
| #2 | ajeppo | 13 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | hhunt.g | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | 2024 Toyota Camry | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | SaltyJoshe | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ajeppo | 245 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | ThatKidFromFortnite | 154 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | hhunt.g | 153 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | SaltyJoshe | 106 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | 2024 Toyota Camry | 98 | 0.06 | 2 min |





