










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 138 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1110 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,932 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3125 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2619 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2254 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1934 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $432,387 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Silco | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | poleslaw | 57% | 94 |
| #3 | El Bobritto De Curvito | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | Kondix | 49% | 35 |
| #5 | Kanio | 47% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | poleslaw | 57% | 94 |
| #3 | El Bobritto De Curvito | 52% | 31 |
| #4 | Kondix | 49% | 35 |
| #5 | Kanio | 47% | 81 |
| #6 | Pletwal | 47% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poleslaw | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Kondix | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Pletwal | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | El Bobritto De Curvito | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Kanio | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poleslaw | 140 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | El Bobritto De Curvito | 116 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Pletwal | 86 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | Kanio | 64 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Kondix | 28 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Bobritto De Curvito | +3.32 | 55 | 50 |
| #2 | Kanio | +2.19 | 45 | 51 |
| #3 | Silco | +1.34 | 72 | 46 |
| #4 | poleslaw | +1.29 | 33 | 60 |
| #5 | Kondix | +0.56 | 47 | 40 |





