








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
638 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,233 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 243 | 20% |
| Smokes | 333 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 287 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 370 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $143,968 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donksr | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | sapienza | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Sn3w- | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Sjef | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | SIMBAD | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | fLickza | 24% | 21 |
| #15 | ☆Miemora☆ | 17% | 6 |
| #16 | cold LFT | 14% | 7 |
| #17 | OGGI-_- | 0% | 3 |
| #18 | Sagooi | 0% | 10 |





