








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 652 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 815 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




80 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7475 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,008 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4693 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4968 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4643 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2704 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,014,294 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 455 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | WiseG⛧ | 47% | 336 |
| #4 | Ronaldinho Cartucho | 46% | 383 |
| #5 | 悪玉Akudama | 46% | 395 |
| #6 | Froda | 46% | 135 |
| #7 | WNQ ☢ | 45% | 195 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 悪玉Akudama | 80 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Ronaldinho Cartucho | 43 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | WiseG⛧ | 41 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | botelho pinto | 37 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | Froda | 35 | 0.0118 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 悪玉Akudama | 2216 | 0.26 | 44 min |
| #2 | Ronaldinho Cartucho | 1391 | 0.17 | 33 min |
| #3 | botelho pinto | 1199 | 0.25 | 24 min |
| #4 | WiseG⛧ | 533 | 0.07 | 15 min |
| #5 | Froda | 384 | 0.13 | 9 min |





