








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 179 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1193 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,123 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1853 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1133 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1288 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 849 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $566,798 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | WiseG⛧ | 45% | 87 |
| #5 | Anderson A Lot Of Situations | 45% | 195 |
| #6 | botelho pinto | 43% | 69 |
| #7 | Ronaldinho Cartucho | 33% | 48 |
| #8 | Froda | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 悪玉Akudama | 24 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | Anderson A Lot Of Situations | 19 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | WiseG⛧ | 14 | 0.0077 |
| #4 | botelho pinto | 12 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | Ronaldinho Cartucho | 5 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 悪玉Akudama | 507 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #2 | Anderson A Lot Of Situations | 338 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | botelho pinto | 291 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #4 | Ronaldinho Cartucho | 163 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | WiseG⛧ | 153 | 0.08 | 4 min |





