








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1100 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,265 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 996 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1019 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1154 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1096 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $211,688 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saxon793 | 54% | 68 |
| #2 | Veritas | 54% | 69 |
| #3 | 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐡... | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | megasexyram | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Ryan Stekken | 52% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ryan Stekken | 52% | 52 |
| #6 | coja | 52% | 95 |
| #7 | StatuaryHalo | 50% | 12 |
| #8 | kylesauk | 40% | 15 |
| #9 | MagniTheFatShark | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coja | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Saxon793 | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Ryan Stekken | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐡... | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | megasexyram | 2 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coja | 235 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | Veritas | 113 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐡... | 84 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Ryan Stekken | 68 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Saxon793 | 66 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coja | +2.20 | 76 | 68 |
| #2 | Novichok | +1.96 | 77 | 60 |
| #3 | megasexyram | +0.30 | 47 | 63 |
| #4 | Veritas | -0.84 | 56 | 43 |
| #5 | Saxon793 | -1.37 | 44 | 48 |





