








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
565 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,971 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 760 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1018 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1102 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1091 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $185,187 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Novichok | 53% | 34 |
| #2 | coja | 49% | 79 |
| #3 | megasexyram | 48% | 23 |
| #4 | Ryan Stekken | 48% | 44 |
| #5 | Veritas | 47% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Veritas | 47% | 57 |
| #6 | Saxon793 | 47% | 64 |
| #7 | kylesauk | 36% | 11 |
| #8 | MagniTheFatShark | 35% | 23 |
| #9 | StatuaryHalo | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coja | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Ryan Stekken | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Novichok | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Saxon793 | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | megasexyram | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coja | 209 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Novichok | 108 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Veritas | 104 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Saxon793 | 99 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ryan Stekken | 75 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coja | +3.83 | 77 | 64 |
| #2 | Novichok | +2.55 | 78 | 67 |
| #3 | megasexyram | +1.25 | 42 | 57 |
| #4 | Veritas | -0.10 | 55 | 39 |
| #5 | Saxon793 | -0.63 | 45 | 42 |





